on doing it or not

 

These days, I’m thinking a lot about (un)happiness and what I (dis)like about my life. Yesterday, as I were watching a few episodes of a 24 DVD, I received a piece of advice of a dying character.

Believe it or not, I used to want to be a teacher. A long time ago. You know why I didn’t? DoD offered me more money. That’s how I made my decision. So I made myself miserable. And I made everybody else around me miserable. For an extra five thousand dollars a year. That was my price. You know, Michelle, I’m not a big advice giver, but under the circumstances… Don’t wait around for your life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy, and do it. Because everything else is all just background noise.

Honesty, that’s probably the healthiest thing I can receive.

speaking echoes

 

I’m thinking a lot about echoes these days. On how strong events on other people lives talk to my own life. Young woman dying too young from a cancer, nice and gentle people fired all around, great woman and mother living with some mean and angry husband… Lives telling me I should do more, do better with my own.

is lottery impious?

Is lottery impious? Not itself, but at a second level. Buying a lottery ticket means we would like to drastically improve the life God gave us. I don’t consider that wishing a drastic improvement of our life is impious but trying to get that change with a lottery ticket may be. Shouldn’t we work to get a better life if we want to change it? I don’t know, I see lottery as ungrateful… Many dreams can’t come true only with hard work: winning the lottery would make them possible. I don’t know…

most satisfying jobs

Firefighters, the clergy and others with professional jobs that involve helping or serving people are more satisfied with their work and overall are happier than those in other professions, according to results from a national survey.

So the best thing would be working as a priest for the fire department.

priesthood ???

 

After juggling with so many dreams about starting my own business here, somewhere in my country or in some poorer country in South America or North Africa, about becoming a full time poet and a mendicant, the capitalist peon has been quite shocked to dream about priesthood.

Working for God instead of capitalism…

I don’t know if I’m not too funky for christianism.

how presumptuous

 

 

How presumptuous is it to search the meaning of a coincidence?

don’t care

A lot of chaos in my head this morning. I asked my Tarot de Marseille what I should do:

Card 1 – me : the star (XVII). Speaks about generosity and abundance, also about hope and faith. There certainly is a will in me to give, to spread, to feel useful.

Card 2 – the world : the high priestess (II). Very passive and introspective card. That’s a way to picture Occident. Every man in his cubicle, his car, his house, minding his own business. Millions of silences.

Card 3 – the question: the hermit (IX). Am I condemned to walk into the desert, with the pain of inner wealth I must keep inside ?

Card 4 – the answer: the fool (0). Ha ! Don’t care, carpe diem ! The fool is pretty much in the same situation as the hermit. They just have different perspective. I related a lot with this card when I was a young romantic poet. Maybe I should do so again.

The card 5 – the summary, obtained by the addition of the four cards (XVII + II + IX + 0) : the wheel of fortune (X) – again ! Yeah. I’ll be asking the same questions in 10, 20 and 50 years from now. I’m stuck with what I am.

And I shouldn’t care much.

a complaint free world

 

Scientists believe it takes 21 days to form a new habit and complaining is habitual for most of us. As Twain said, we must coax our old behavior down the stairs. The bracelet(s) you receive are a powerful tool(s) to remind you of how well you are creating your life with positive intention. Here are the suggested rules:

1. Begin to wear the bracelet, on either wrist

2. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing (it’s ok, everyone does) move the bracelet to the other arm and begin again.

3. If you hear someone else who is wearing a bracelet complain, you may point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first!

4. Stay with it. It may take many months but when you reach 21 days you will find that your entire life is happier, more loving, more positive and more abundant.

(via peaceachday)

Hum. My second reaction was to wonder if inner complaint counts, right after thinking about a co-worker who would get two tendonitis with that bracelet.

That’s a tough one.

But while thinking about it I wondered: does complaining about poverty, violence or war is a good thing ? Does criticizing my country for not doing enough about them is a good thing ? I think so.

Gossipers however should go straight to hell.

In the other hand, complaining about an issue doesn’t mean anything if I don’t do anything about it.

I assume we can say there is complaining in a positive spirit and complaining in a negative spirit. And that the target here is the second, not the first one. To stop living your life like a tragedy, like a victim. Yeah, amen to that.

But… Does inner negativity counts ? If someone treats me like garbage and yell in my head, I guess it counts. What if I don’t even just put it in words, if it’s just a feeling ?

Strange how it’s looks to me like Buddhism. Permanent compassion to free self from the suffering of the ego.

Is every hate unfair ? Every anger unfair ?

My first answer would be no. I’ll keep thinking about this.

Maybe I’m just pushing the thing too far (as usual). Maybe it’s just about not making big things of small things. And not about not making small things of big things.

Hum. I think I get it.

I ordered one bracelet. And I every time I’ll dramatize I’ll put a quarter in a complaint jar for charity. Hoping it will help some real tragedy.

the destiny of john

 

Facing a lot of questions and issues in my head, I looked at my Tarot de Marseille to see what the cards think is my destiny:

Card 1 – me : the lover (VI)

Card 2 – the world : the devil (XV)

Card 3 – the question: the hanged man (XII)

Card 4 – the answer: death (XIII)

Many see the card of death as a negative one. I don’t. It’s about big changes. Revolutions. It’s about becoming instead of evolving.

The card 5 – the summary, obtained by the addition of the four card (VI + XV + XII + XIII) : the wheel of fortune (X)

I see an opposition between the wheel of fortune (continuity made of small changes) and death (important change). But here, they spread the same message together.

ghassan kanafani

Last week, I was reading Retour à Haïfa  from Ghassan Kanafani. Several short stories about Palestine or around the Middle-East. Here is one paragraph that touched me more than others, from the short story Quelque chose à garder:

Laïla n’aimait pas que je la regarde dormir. Elle était persuadée que son visage la trahissait à ce moment-là. Et elle ne voulait pas que je connaisse ses sentiments à mon égard : elle craignait que cela ne flatte trop ma vanité.

Ghassan Kanafani (غسان كنفاني, born April 9, 1936 in Acre, Palestine - died July 8, 1972 in Beirut, Lebanon) was a Palestinian writer and a spokesman for the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine. He was assassinated by car bomb in Beirut; Some suspected Israeli security services to be involved in the killing, but responsibility has never been claimed by them or any other party nor has the guilty party been established.

I took it at the library. The book has been printed in 1997 but some corners of the page were still stuck together as I opened the book. Sad, but that’s nothing to compare when you look at the age this writer died…

charity

 

I’m thinking about charity these days. I’ve never been very constant about it – mostly because of the inconstancy of my earnings over the last years but also because of many changes of perspective about the world’s most important problems. I’m wondering who I should give to.

Homeless shelters. Very, very helpful to the ones who have barely nothing. But I feel like it wouldn’t contribute to improve things. Only to help to avoid things to get even worse…

Animal shelters. Do abandoned cats and dog deserve help more than “abandoned” humans ? At least, they don’t kill hobos when they are unclaimed. Well, as far as I know…

Environnemental groups like Greenpeace or Equiterre. I’m really sensible to environmental issues but in a way I wonder if I should help people more directly. Yeah, I know, global warming and pollution can be very direct…

Environnemental party: Greens of Canada or Quebec. Is political action better than NGO ?

Centraide. A good charity mix. I let them split my money into a lot of resources and causes. They know what they are doing but I’m not sure I like the idea of letting them make priorities for me.

Religious group to help themselves. Do I want to pay for fixing holes in the roof of a church ?

Religious group to help others. Are they better than other charity group, worse ? Should I split between religious and not religious charity ?

Specific country. Wow, huge possibilities. 57 countries in Africa… Which one would I pick ? On which basis ? Poverty ? Life expectancy ? How do I like their culture ? Do their women look handsome ? War, water shortage, lack of resources ? My hope or despair about them ? Then I would have to pick some NGO that fits my views about the best way to help.

Kids. Sick, starving, alone… In a way, I feel the best way to help the raising generation is to make a better world. Yeah, many kids need direct help, but we need to keep the big picture in mind…

Illness. Cancer, aids, and a lot of other nasty diseases kill or hurt many people. I feel like the big pharmaceutical industry tries hard enough to make money with these nasty things.

Alcoholism and drugs addiction. Maybe I feel more like giving some kicks in the ass than money on that issue…

Handicap. Raisings guiding dogs for blinds. People who can’t afford a proper wheelchair. Is it unfair to compare the cost of a wheelchair to the equivalent quantity of food for the homeless ?

I might have forgotten many other issues…

Does time count ? If I want to give 100$, does it worth the same if I decide to give 5 to 7 hours ? Organizations need money but also people, time. Then what, I spend my 100$ on a nice shirt and feel great ?

And if I want to write a book to improve things in the world, does it count for charity ?

I’m still mixed up in my head. I like the environmental group, the poor country and the volunteering ideas. But I don’t know…

Should I split my charity money ? Or should I change yearly ? I like the idea of picking something and give for many years. Consistency matters in charity.

Also related, my will. If I don’t have any kids, who should I give my insignificant fortune to when I’ll be gone ? Should I use the same perspective ?

Well, if some girl wants to buy a sport car when she’ll be 93, call me.

feeling alive

After months about the purpose of my life, I decided to give philosophical writings a central place in my life. Cynicism didn’t drive me anywhere – not that I thought it would.

I already have a good idea of the book I would like to write and how I want to publish it: by myself with online publishing.

About a month ago I wrote a little phrase without knowing what I should do with it.

We shouldn’t choose between faith and humanism because faith is the only suitable humanism and humanism the only suitable faith.

It’s the first, small brick I’ll build my book with. But I still don’t know where the brick will go…

book or jail

A Saudi court has ordered a drug user to spend six months memorizing the Koran, but he faces a year in prison if he fails to recite the Muslim holy book by heart.

Interesting concept. Occidental justice system could try something like this for some crimes: you can only get out when you can recite a holy book by heart. I would really be curious to see the rehabilitation potential of this method.

the purpose of life

I’m wondering about the purpose of my life. Which amount of energy out of my capitalist everyday life will be available for something ? And what that something will be ? I can spend 20 years into a superb philosophical book that no one will be interested to publish… Will I look at my life and wonder how days, years, decades passed by without any significant action about significant issues ?

I don’t think that’s narcissical, or presumptuous to intend to do such action in my life. I don’t care about being someone, but I want to do something with my life…

I thinking almost everyday about doing something but I don’t feel like doing so. I may wait for some call, some inspiration, but in the other hand I fear it will only come with hard work.

Garfield has his point of view about the purpose of life.

 

Hedonism is always an interesting point of view… Maybe the most accessible way to serenity…

 

faith and vanity

Could there be faith without vanity ?