No ground to stand on

no wall to rest on

no sky to look up to

we’re drowning

drifting

disappearing

with all we could have been

done

and said.

the 23th pound

No matter how much exercice I do, no matter how well I’m trying to eat, I struggled all April to lose the 23th pound of my diet. I may be improving the quality of my whole lifestyle, which is pretty good, but I want to lose these extra pounds I still have. So instead of burning all my will on countless hours of exercice, I might target my calory intake. I’m thinking of a three weeks rotation:

1. Week with low calory diet and smooth exercice like walking in the park = many pounds lost
2. Week with med-low calory diet with mostly healthy veggies and a intense exercice = a few pounds lost
3. Week with normal calory diet with pleasant food like pastas and fish and less exercice to make my motivation rise = no pound lost

21 weeks and I might be done with that diet…

john’s anatomy ii

Odd… Same ride than last week but it was damn easier… No break except for drinking from my water bottle… 2 hours ride instead of 3 and way less exhausted when I’m back… I don’t understand my body…

john’s anatomy

Both fascinating and frustrating: I realised that walking and biking don’t use the same leg muscles… I walked a lot all winter and then, my first bike ride is killing me… Then, right after another exhausting bike ride, I went for a walk to buy some things and my legs felt fresh. So I guess if I thought I could use my bike to prepare my leaner body for jogging, I was wrong…

To throw

everything in the river

to become

who I really am

until I stand up

and let the city

come back into me.

Montrealities

At the edge of the city

Springtime sensations.

Watching

her

walk

Disappear

And

never

seeing

her

again.

sales are down

My poetry book doesn’t sell. At all. I’m wondering why… I’m also wondering if I’m going to publish other poetry books or just publish them here. The point is not about making money… Just… you know… Picking the best option for my poems…

Roots

don’t face down

but inside.

Light flows

On her black coal hair

Please don’t turn around.

Intoxicated

By the rough ink of the night

Waiting for the dawn.

***

I went to bed pretty early yesterday, as I felt tired and lethargic, expecting some great rest for the week to come. But I felt like this night was exhausting. Tons of heavy, crowded, thick dreams. Morning felt like a relief.

national poetry month

 

I didn’t write a single poem this month… Well, I started one and thought about another but they aren’t written…

I may try to write one daily in April… Stop thinking about digits for a while… diet results… retirement savings schemes… mortgage financing… Bad for poetry…

trimestrial diet report

 

22 pounds / 10 kg lost since the beginning of the year. That’s 24% of my objective.

My BMI went from 32,76 to 29,90. I still need to go under 25 to have a normal weight. If I keep the same pace, my BMI will be around 27 in three months.

I could have been a little more disciplined on the eating, mostly in the weekends. But still, I’m eating healthier, trying to raise the proportion of fruits and vegetables I eat. I also explored anticancer and low-carb diet diets but they don’t fit that well with my sensible bowel (I had 4 painful crisis this year so far). I lost a lot of energy on these issues. So, I hope that over the next 3 months, I won’t fool around too much over what I eat so I can get results. Also, I started to breakfast daily, what I didn’t do since an eternity. As every nutritionist will say that skipping breakfast is bad… However, I can’t tell so far if they are right but I follow the advice…

I didn’t exercised much. Well, I can do something like 5 hours of walking weekly but I don’t see that as a workout. I want to do a lot of biking this spring (smooth and funny rides sometimes after the job and longer trips on the weekend). I thought about suscribing to a gym but it’s kind of expensive and I don’t want to spend 50$ a month if I only go there 4 times a month. It’s a matter of commitment. Plus, as I plan to workout a lot outside this summer, it really looks like a waste of money. There is also something about pride: I want to see if I can reach my ideal weight by myself. Then, will I be able to maintain it? If so, why would I get to the gym? I easily see myself going almost daily to the gym when I’ll be over 60 to remain as healthy as I can be. But until then, I might remain on my own.

donation thoughts

 

One odd thought I have in mind these days: what would I do with my lifetime savings after I pass out? If I outlive all my relatives or if they all are 96 years old and wealthy, what should I do with that money? I really have no idea right now. Maybe a green cause but then, which one? Through which organization? I could create some kind of foundation but I think that’s pretty much a display of vanity.

a perfect world

 

The most interesting questions are always the ones parallel to the ones we are asking ourselves. I felt on one about a perfect world.

Most of us might see a perfect world as a result instead of a process - how a world in process could be perfect? I couldn’t stand an unimprovable world.

But the most important question about a perfect world is not how it would be but how we are. A perfect world would be built from who we are.

Would a perfect world be suitable with us?

Mostly: what are we made of? Greed? Fear? Hunger?

Before willing to improve the world, shouldn’t we be willing to improve ourselves?

Lately, old teenage ideas about a better world came back in my mind. I thought: what’s missing? Why are we thinking about a better world? Do we miss ingredients? Recipes? Cooks?

It’s easy to imagine a better world. Damn easy. But according to who we are, could we get better?